Unpacking What Coaching Really Is (And Is Not) About

Back in November 2023, I wrote a high-level introduction to coaching and how it differs from other development approaches. If you have not read that yet, it is a great starting point. But since then, many of you have reached out asking for more detail: What does the coaching relationship actually look like? How is it different from mentoring, therapy, or just having a good conversation with a trusted friend? What should I expect if we work together?

This article goes much deeper. Consider it your comprehensive guide to understanding coaching before we potentially decide to work together.

What coaching (actually) is

At its core, coaching is a partnership – an alliance between the coachee (you) and the coach (me) in a thought-provoking and creative process.

But what makes coaching different from almost any other professional relationship you'll have is that I am not here to give you the answers.

Instead, coaching is about helping you:

• Create clear, meaningful goals and make a plan to achieve them

• Build self-awareness, gain new perspectives, and identify what's been holding you back

• Take bold actions and stay accountable

  
  

As an external, objective party, I bring a fresh and unbiased perspective, creating a space for you to generate new ideas, challenge your assumptions, and find the best course of action that truly aligns with who you are and where you want to go – not what worked for someone else, nor what you ‘should’ do.

One of the most powerful aspects of coaching is that it provides you with dedicated time and space to focus fully on yourself. In a world where we never stop to pause, where we push ourselves to the bottom of our own priority lists, coaching creates that rare environment where you are the center of attention. Where your goals, your growth, and your potential are the sole focus. This isn't self-indulgent – it is essential if you want to be at your very best.

Coaching vs mentoring: what’s the difference?

This is where many people get confused, but it is actually so important for you to be clear on this so you can choose what is best for you. While both coaching and mentoring are valuable, they're fundamentally different relationships.

The nature of the relationship

Mentoring typically involves a power differential. What I mean by that is that a mentor is usually someone more senior or experienced who shares their wisdom and lessons learnt to inspire and guide you. You typically choose a mentor because you admire their career path and want to follow in their footsteps.

Coaching is a partnership between equals, there's no hierarchy. You choose a coach based on their approach, their successful track record with clients who have dealt with a similar challenge to yours, and most importantly, the chemistry that allows you to open up, be vulnerable, and uncomfortable when needed. It's about fit, not seniority.

Who asks the questions?

As a result, in mentoring it is the mentee that asks most of the questions. ‘How did you handle this situation?’, ‘What would you do?’, ‘Can you introduce me to someone in your network?’

In coaching, the coach asks most of the questions. My job is not to tell you what I would do nor to tell you what you should do. Rather, it is to provide the space which enables you to think, reflect and learn about yourself and others.

Advisory vs. non-directive

Mentors give advice. They share lessons learned from their past, offer guidance based on their experience, and often provide direct suggestions such as ‘Here is what worked for me...’.

Coaches, on the other hand, do not advise. Coaching is a non-directive process. I won't tell you what to do or impose my views. Instead, I'll help you widen your perspective, see options you might not have considered yourself, and ultimately act in a way that is right for your unique situation and aligns with your values and goals. Or, to put it in other words: coaching is about ‘doing with’, not ‘doing to’ you.

Focus and duration

Mentoring tends to be open-ended and broad. Conversations might meander across various topics, from career advice, to industry insights and general professional development. The relationship may last for years.

Coaching is focused and goal-orientated. We will work together on specific objectives with clear outcomes in mind. While the coaching process may touch on various areas of your life (work, relationships, health, finances), this will be insofar it relates to your specific goal. As a result, coaching engagements are typically structured with a defined timeframe which is agreed beforehand.

Professional standards

Here is something else worth knowing: coaching is a recognised profession with accredited bodies, ethical standards, and ongoing professional development requirements. Professional coaches, including myself as an EMCC Practitioner, adhere to a code of ethics and engage in regular supervision to ensure we are providing the highest quality support to our clients.

Mentoring, while incredibly valuable, doesn't typically operate within this formal professional framework.

What to expect when you choose to work with me

Here I want to give you a bit more flavour about what you can expect if we decide to partner together, as well as expectations on you as a client if you want to make the most of our time together. This is because ultimately, how much you put into coaching directly influences how much you get out of it.

As a coach, I will:

• Meet you exactly where you are, without judgment

• Create a confidential space for brave conversations

• Ask powerful questions to challenge your thinking

• Give you my full undivided attention and actively listen to what you are (and are not) saying

• Hold you accountable to the commitments you make

• Help you stay on track toward your goals

• Challenge you when I see you playing small

• Hold the mirror up when you need to see something more clearly

• Celebrate your wins and help you learn from setbacks

• Leave you with actionable insights after each session

What I won't do:

• Tell you what to do

• Judge your choices

• Diagnose or treat mental health conditions (coaching is not therapy)

Your responsibilities as a client are to:

• Come prepared to each session with clarity on how you want to spend our time

• Be fully open and honest, with me and with yourself

• Create the time and energy to participate fully

• Take time between sessions to reflect and take action

• Take responsibility for your choices

• Report back on your learnings and progress

• Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone, make bold decisions and try new approaches

  
  

What coaching can (and can't) address

Coaching is comprehensive and can touch on many areas of your life, from career, to finances, health, and relationships. We will explore how these different dimensions interconnect and impact your goals. Crucially, coaching focuses on the present and future.

Here are some examples of the results you might expect, based on the work I have done with my clients:

• Regain clarity and confidence when questioning their career direction after a difficult transition

• Discover their authentic leadership style when stepping into expanded responsibilities

• Understand and confidently communicate their unique selling point, by identifying natural strengths and how to strategically use them

• Overcome the overwhelm of a new role, by developing practical strategies for managing workplace stress and learning to navigate complex team dynamics

• Identify their next career move when facing multiple paths and competing priorities

However, it is important to be aware that coaching is not therapy or mental health treatment. If you are dealing with mental health challenges, trauma, or substance abuse issues, working with a qualified therapist or medical professional should be your priority. I will be asking you if you are working with a mental health professional and I encourage you to let them know about our coaching relationship.

So, is coaching right for you?

If this resonates with you and makes you curious to find out more about working with me, I would love to have a conversation.

The best way to know if coaching is right for you is to experience it. I offer a free, no obligation discovery call where we can discuss your goals, explore whether we might be a good fit, and give you a taste of what coaching can feel like. Book your slot here.